In order to have a broader reach and be able to interact better with my readers, I have made the decision to move my blog to wordpress. You can find it here: http://thesammiejjproject.wordpress.com/
Happy reading!!
Question of the day: How good are you at knowing when it's time to make a move?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Red Eye
I still remember my first plane ride. I was five. Destination? California. Companion? My grandmother, may she rest in peace. I don't exactly recall all of the priming for our journey, but I do remember the packing and plan for wearing my favorite little blue dress. I just knew I was going on a plane way high up in the sky. And that must be a special thing because my grandmother rolled my waist-long with paper bag strips. I've never had curls quite like that since.
All went well with the flight until the pressure got to my ears. I whimpered, cried, then screamed at the top of my lungs. Flight attendants tried to instruct me on how to ease the discomfort, my grandmother, quite embarrassed I'm sure, tried to rock and console me. I was beyond consoling. It was crisis in mid-air. The only good thing about my agony was landing about 10 minutes later.
Some 25 five years later, I attempted to get my only chance at a night's sleep unfazed by ear pressure, dreaming about whales and sunsets...
Question of the day: Do you remember your first place ride?
All went well with the flight until the pressure got to my ears. I whimpered, cried, then screamed at the top of my lungs. Flight attendants tried to instruct me on how to ease the discomfort, my grandmother, quite embarrassed I'm sure, tried to rock and console me. I was beyond consoling. It was crisis in mid-air. The only good thing about my agony was landing about 10 minutes later.
Some 25 five years later, I attempted to get my only chance at a night's sleep unfazed by ear pressure, dreaming about whales and sunsets...
Question of the day: Do you remember your first place ride?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Greek Whale Watching
Last night after the curtain closed on sunset, I grabbed some seafood for dinner, lobster risotto precisely, and retreated to Monterey in search of a hotel that didn't read "no" in front or in back of "vacancy." Too tired to continue my ritual Hotwire/Priceline analysis, on top of shoddy internet connection, a hacienda-like beauty caught my eye. Hotel Abrego it was. Although astronomical in price, the desk attendant got me with "fireplace" and the credit card was all of swiped once I took a tour of my would-be lux room. It did have a fireplace, a king sized bed, a huge walk-in shower, a general homey atmosphere. I could literally have lived there, had money been no object...
I didn't want to leave my beautiful room this morning. At 11:35am (checkout was at 12 noon) I was still vacillating over where or not to ask for late check out so I could sleep more, maybe actually turn on the massive swiveling flatscreen, and take like six more showers. But I decided that Monterey was waiting for me, this whole new stretch of territory I'd never been to before. No matter how beautiful four walls and a slate-tiled shower were, there was nothing about sleep, tv, and bathing that hadn't happened to me before. The sun was shining in rare Bay Area form and with each zip of luggage, I felt the promise of good things straight ahead.
As I drove randomly about, it wasn't long before I reached my first and what turned out to be final destination. Ooooo, a Greek Festival!! I've always wanted to go to a Greek Festival!! Greek people and their food are da bomb hizzle!!!! A short distance parking place greeted me and off I went to seek out all things Greek!! The jewelery tables caught me first and I made a modest purchase. A divalicious bracelet. Nothing real Greek looking but divatastic nonetheless. I had intentions of going back to buy a sterling silver ring or too. Wanted to get around to all the vendors, settle on some Grecian grub, then wiled more money on a full stomach. It never happened.
What good fortune awaited me, though!! I was making my way around the festival and lo, Fisherman's Wharf!!!! Talk about good tidings of great joy, a bag of chips AND a soda on the side! Woohoo!!! I was finally at the place Monterey postcards and travel specials were made of. It was no Pier 39, mind you, but there was clam chowder and more seafood than one craving could take!!! I kept on walking and lo, another sign!!! Whale Watching: Next departure 1:30. It was 12:45. Just doesn't get any better than that! Deciding to risk my rental car return deadline, I handed over $40 and ran to get a jacket and sunscreen. A swift peruse back through the Greek festival and a gyro later, I was all aboard!!
First up? Sea otters and sea lions. So cute. Wanted to take one home. Choppy, choppy waters made many sea sick. Thank God I was able to keep my $6 gyro down... Next! Dolphins jumping and flipping around...some....WHALES!!!! A HUGE (like, duh) humpback, then another!!! Such impressive and graceful animals, spouting out water and mucus ever so...so spoutingly!! Our "tour guide" was so knowledgeable, spouting herself about all kinds of whale facts, narrating over every stretch of sea. And then, the blue whales. A momma and baby followed by another one who gave us a rare show. Fluke!!! Twice!!!! Yeah, before today, I didn't really know what that was by name either. It's WHALE TAIL!!!!!! You know, like in the national geographic or discovery channel, how the tail flips up and then sinks down into the ocean. Our guide said that's something rare to catch once, let alone twice in the same setting!!! Said we could go 5-6 years before ever seeing that again... Lastly, more dolphins. I mean like hundreds. Oh, and I thought those bad boys were showin' out before! HA!!! I hadn't seen nothin! As the boat picked up momentum, here they come alongside, sending us back in full marine style. The flipping was higher, had to have been some triple luxe going on. The jumping was farther, the wonderment was sweeter. There had to have been 8 different languages represented amongst my fellow passengers and I heard "Oooo look!!" in every one...Here's to the things of life that bring people together, that remind us that the common thread between us is not singular at all.
Question(s) of the day: What kind of traveler are you? Have you ever had an "accidental" vacation? What are some things you've learned through your experiences away? Where would you like to go? What's stopping you? No, what's REALLY stopping you?
I didn't want to leave my beautiful room this morning. At 11:35am (checkout was at 12 noon) I was still vacillating over where or not to ask for late check out so I could sleep more, maybe actually turn on the massive swiveling flatscreen, and take like six more showers. But I decided that Monterey was waiting for me, this whole new stretch of territory I'd never been to before. No matter how beautiful four walls and a slate-tiled shower were, there was nothing about sleep, tv, and bathing that hadn't happened to me before. The sun was shining in rare Bay Area form and with each zip of luggage, I felt the promise of good things straight ahead.
As I drove randomly about, it wasn't long before I reached my first and what turned out to be final destination. Ooooo, a Greek Festival!! I've always wanted to go to a Greek Festival!! Greek people and their food are da bomb hizzle!!!! A short distance parking place greeted me and off I went to seek out all things Greek!! The jewelery tables caught me first and I made a modest purchase. A divalicious bracelet. Nothing real Greek looking but divatastic nonetheless. I had intentions of going back to buy a sterling silver ring or too. Wanted to get around to all the vendors, settle on some Grecian grub, then wiled more money on a full stomach. It never happened.
What good fortune awaited me, though!! I was making my way around the festival and lo, Fisherman's Wharf!!!! Talk about good tidings of great joy, a bag of chips AND a soda on the side! Woohoo!!! I was finally at the place Monterey postcards and travel specials were made of. It was no Pier 39, mind you, but there was clam chowder and more seafood than one craving could take!!! I kept on walking and lo, another sign!!! Whale Watching: Next departure 1:30. It was 12:45. Just doesn't get any better than that! Deciding to risk my rental car return deadline, I handed over $40 and ran to get a jacket and sunscreen. A swift peruse back through the Greek festival and a gyro later, I was all aboard!!
First up? Sea otters and sea lions. So cute. Wanted to take one home. Choppy, choppy waters made many sea sick. Thank God I was able to keep my $6 gyro down... Next! Dolphins jumping and flipping around...some....WHALES!!!! A HUGE (like, duh) humpback, then another!!! Such impressive and graceful animals, spouting out water and mucus ever so...so spoutingly!! Our "tour guide" was so knowledgeable, spouting herself about all kinds of whale facts, narrating over every stretch of sea. And then, the blue whales. A momma and baby followed by another one who gave us a rare show. Fluke!!! Twice!!!! Yeah, before today, I didn't really know what that was by name either. It's WHALE TAIL!!!!!! You know, like in the national geographic or discovery channel, how the tail flips up and then sinks down into the ocean. Our guide said that's something rare to catch once, let alone twice in the same setting!!! Said we could go 5-6 years before ever seeing that again... Lastly, more dolphins. I mean like hundreds. Oh, and I thought those bad boys were showin' out before! HA!!! I hadn't seen nothin! As the boat picked up momentum, here they come alongside, sending us back in full marine style. The flipping was higher, had to have been some triple luxe going on. The jumping was farther, the wonderment was sweeter. There had to have been 8 different languages represented amongst my fellow passengers and I heard "Oooo look!!" in every one...Here's to the things of life that bring people together, that remind us that the common thread between us is not singular at all.
Question(s) of the day: What kind of traveler are you? Have you ever had an "accidental" vacation? What are some things you've learned through your experiences away? Where would you like to go? What's stopping you? No, what's REALLY stopping you?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The Lesson
I was glad that the alarm didn't have to wake me up. I'm in California. Of course it doesn't!! Every time I'm here, that's the first thought that comes to my mind. It's a sort of brush with unbelievable reality. Like waking up next to that special someone. The warmth and all the love you feel and share. And although for me there wasn't warm love of an actual body, but an atmosphere. New air and space. Waking up in California. It never disappoints...
I still felt tenuous about the lesson. Hadn't really practiced, didn't have all the right music, wasn't really looking forward to the "big" confrontation with my teacher over wanting to venture on to a young artist program. At the same time, I was willing to face all of it, knowing that all would be well and I'd have a clearer outlook afterwards. It was going to be okay. The morning was so easy. The Continental breakfast, complete with my favorite fancy flavored tea, spice chai pomegranate I think, was good. My hair fell into place. My favorite dress was barely wrinkled from the suitcase. My makeup was subtle, glowing, and even hid the previous days of worry and lack of sleep.
I arrived to my teacher's house in Fresno with time to spare. The drive had been thoughtful. Cruise controlled nearly the whole way. But as I walked up to the door and rang, an awkwardness began to set in. My mind wasn't clear. I felt tossed and disconnected. Numb. My outward composed self suddenly mismatched the inside.
We started with talking as we always do. She mentioned the y.a. program issue. I listened, then mildly expressed my view of things. She tried to refrain from making a forceful opinion, but her opinion was made no less. I combated with a diplomatic display of knowledge. She slightly conceded. I was glad she knew not to push any further. I changed, or rather progressed, to a different area of focus. My current dependence on a day job and how (although a huge blessing to my life) it's robbing me of precious singing and time. And here's where she completely surprised me. She suggested that I start my own business to take with me anywhere I needed/wanted to be. A non-profit she said. I told her I'd thought about it.
The truth is, I had thought about it. I'd even started (or attempted to) one some years back. I have ideas and much more experience to execute it now. Back then it was just a fun mission. Now, there's much more to gain, better motives behind it all. It could maybe work this time. After the talking came singing. Come scoglio from "Cosi fan tutte," Mozart. Next, Suicidio from "La Gioconda." Last, Ebben? Ne andro lontana from "La Wally," I felt like I sounded really good, like my voice wasn't so uncertain. I could craft it better. My breathing was better. I responded to her correction better. The first audition will test me.
I left the lesson feeling satisfied and the thought that I had 32 more hours to enjoy my California solidified it. Where would I go? Ah yes, Carmel. I accidentally arrived at sunset not fully aware of why so many people were simply standing around with cameras. I mean, the water was gorgeous, the sand a pale clean beige, but I just thought the holiday brought on the hearty audience. I'd never really been to a chilly beach before, but it was yet another new and nice thing. I didn't even grimace as the near icy high tides chased and caught my wanting feet, occasionally gushing up my legs in cool surprises. Toddlers ran after panting doggies, couples snuggled a little closer, families toasted togetherness. I was one of the few alone on the beach. I felt it, but once the last lip of orange dipped down into the horizon I was in the certain company of applause that broke out all around. New, nice. Bravo sun, bravo...
Question of the day: Is where you're living the right atmosphere for your best self?
I still felt tenuous about the lesson. Hadn't really practiced, didn't have all the right music, wasn't really looking forward to the "big" confrontation with my teacher over wanting to venture on to a young artist program. At the same time, I was willing to face all of it, knowing that all would be well and I'd have a clearer outlook afterwards. It was going to be okay. The morning was so easy. The Continental breakfast, complete with my favorite fancy flavored tea, spice chai pomegranate I think, was good. My hair fell into place. My favorite dress was barely wrinkled from the suitcase. My makeup was subtle, glowing, and even hid the previous days of worry and lack of sleep.
I arrived to my teacher's house in Fresno with time to spare. The drive had been thoughtful. Cruise controlled nearly the whole way. But as I walked up to the door and rang, an awkwardness began to set in. My mind wasn't clear. I felt tossed and disconnected. Numb. My outward composed self suddenly mismatched the inside.
We started with talking as we always do. She mentioned the y.a. program issue. I listened, then mildly expressed my view of things. She tried to refrain from making a forceful opinion, but her opinion was made no less. I combated with a diplomatic display of knowledge. She slightly conceded. I was glad she knew not to push any further. I changed, or rather progressed, to a different area of focus. My current dependence on a day job and how (although a huge blessing to my life) it's robbing me of precious singing and time. And here's where she completely surprised me. She suggested that I start my own business to take with me anywhere I needed/wanted to be. A non-profit she said. I told her I'd thought about it.
The truth is, I had thought about it. I'd even started (or attempted to) one some years back. I have ideas and much more experience to execute it now. Back then it was just a fun mission. Now, there's much more to gain, better motives behind it all. It could maybe work this time. After the talking came singing. Come scoglio from "Cosi fan tutte," Mozart. Next, Suicidio from "La Gioconda." Last, Ebben? Ne andro lontana from "La Wally," I felt like I sounded really good, like my voice wasn't so uncertain. I could craft it better. My breathing was better. I responded to her correction better. The first audition will test me.
I left the lesson feeling satisfied and the thought that I had 32 more hours to enjoy my California solidified it. Where would I go? Ah yes, Carmel. I accidentally arrived at sunset not fully aware of why so many people were simply standing around with cameras. I mean, the water was gorgeous, the sand a pale clean beige, but I just thought the holiday brought on the hearty audience. I'd never really been to a chilly beach before, but it was yet another new and nice thing. I didn't even grimace as the near icy high tides chased and caught my wanting feet, occasionally gushing up my legs in cool surprises. Toddlers ran after panting doggies, couples snuggled a little closer, families toasted togetherness. I was one of the few alone on the beach. I felt it, but once the last lip of orange dipped down into the horizon I was in the certain company of applause that broke out all around. New, nice. Bravo sun, bravo...
Question of the day: Is where you're living the right atmosphere for your best self?
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Under a Wandrin' Star
Contemplating nearly up to the last minute, I decided, after only 2.5 hours of sleep, to board my flight to San Francisco. I had little idea what this trip will hold, but I decided that I need it, that somehow it will be more good than bad for me.
First stop, after a long, and I mean hazardous to my health long, drawn out car rental process, (hence the reason to NOT travel during a holiday) I retreated to Oakland. I had little time to transition from travel maven to theatre goer which included full grooming, hair, makeup, and even ripping the tag off a new sweater. "Paint your Wagon" was the show, a chilly bay area ampitheatre was the venue, a beloved friend was a lead. I really didn't know what I was in for when going because to be very honest, I had never heard of Paint Your Wagon!! I figured it was going to be in plot and music much how it sounded in title. I was right.
Overall, the show was a fun, well-executed, crowd pleaser. The highlight, my friend's darling rendititon of "They Call the Wind Mariah." I had heard and even sunch this song myself some years back in a musical theatre review, but thought it was a Jerry Herman masterpiece, not Lerner and Lowe. But that's what great art is supposed to do. Teach and reteach. I dig it.
Another highlight and I believe theme to my life was the song and reprise, "I was Born Under a Wandrin' Star." There was one time in my life when I wanted the education, the job, the husband, the house, the kids, the retirement. But the older I get, I realize that most of that is not for me. No time soon, anyway. Education? Well, I managed to (finally) get most of that. Sure do wish, for no other reason than having one, that I had a graduate degree in me. HA!! Never in this life will you get me into another classroom. I am truly the world's WORST student. On most days I'm pretty smart and I do love learning, though...hmph... The job? I actually have managed to make that one happen, but I know this day job thing can't hold me for too long. No complaints, but paradoxically, I'm shooting for the gig to gig existence The husband? Been there, done that. And unless there is some paragon of male species that is being manufactured somewhere, don't think I'll be going there. I am a little bit in love, though... The house? Ha!! Talk about a ball and chain!!! I have a hard enough time keeping a 12 month lease before I'm itching to move somewhere else! Not interested! The kids? Too selfish. Maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself and am not bestowing credit for my (now heavily veiled) motherly instincts as evidenced by my several years of very skillful childcare. Maybe it's the fact that while married I wanted children so badly but he wasn't the one and I'm not trying to be disappointed about it anymore...let's just stick with selfish. It's easier... The retirement? If I'm working for passion, who needs to retire? The truth is, most musicians are too poor to do so anyway. Again, it's all about the passion!! You know, I'm growing much more content this way. Fewer expectations, more opportunities to enjoy life's surprises I guess...
My mother said that it was wonderful that I made it to California. I think so too. It's time to do some sighing and gazing at where my wandrin' star will take me next. And how bad can that be?
Question of the day: When weighing your options in a given situation, which most often tips the scale? The positive or the negative?
First stop, after a long, and I mean hazardous to my health long, drawn out car rental process, (hence the reason to NOT travel during a holiday) I retreated to Oakland. I had little time to transition from travel maven to theatre goer which included full grooming, hair, makeup, and even ripping the tag off a new sweater. "Paint your Wagon" was the show, a chilly bay area ampitheatre was the venue, a beloved friend was a lead. I really didn't know what I was in for when going because to be very honest, I had never heard of Paint Your Wagon!! I figured it was going to be in plot and music much how it sounded in title. I was right.
Overall, the show was a fun, well-executed, crowd pleaser. The highlight, my friend's darling rendititon of "They Call the Wind Mariah." I had heard and even sunch this song myself some years back in a musical theatre review, but thought it was a Jerry Herman masterpiece, not Lerner and Lowe. But that's what great art is supposed to do. Teach and reteach. I dig it.
Another highlight and I believe theme to my life was the song and reprise, "I was Born Under a Wandrin' Star." There was one time in my life when I wanted the education, the job, the husband, the house, the kids, the retirement. But the older I get, I realize that most of that is not for me. No time soon, anyway. Education? Well, I managed to (finally) get most of that. Sure do wish, for no other reason than having one, that I had a graduate degree in me. HA!! Never in this life will you get me into another classroom. I am truly the world's WORST student. On most days I'm pretty smart and I do love learning, though...hmph... The job? I actually have managed to make that one happen, but I know this day job thing can't hold me for too long. No complaints, but paradoxically, I'm shooting for the gig to gig existence The husband? Been there, done that. And unless there is some paragon of male species that is being manufactured somewhere, don't think I'll be going there. I am a little bit in love, though... The house? Ha!! Talk about a ball and chain!!! I have a hard enough time keeping a 12 month lease before I'm itching to move somewhere else! Not interested! The kids? Too selfish. Maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself and am not bestowing credit for my (now heavily veiled) motherly instincts as evidenced by my several years of very skillful childcare. Maybe it's the fact that while married I wanted children so badly but he wasn't the one and I'm not trying to be disappointed about it anymore...let's just stick with selfish. It's easier... The retirement? If I'm working for passion, who needs to retire? The truth is, most musicians are too poor to do so anyway. Again, it's all about the passion!! You know, I'm growing much more content this way. Fewer expectations, more opportunities to enjoy life's surprises I guess...
My mother said that it was wonderful that I made it to California. I think so too. It's time to do some sighing and gazing at where my wandrin' star will take me next. And how bad can that be?
Question of the day: When weighing your options in a given situation, which most often tips the scale? The positive or the negative?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Heads vs. Tails
I flipped. It was heads. This is supposed to mean that I pack up tonight and go back to Nashville, sleep for like 4 hours and then drive to the airport as opposed to driving to the airport straight from Huntsville. At the minute, the San Francisco trip is on although I am utterly unprepared. I'm not packed, haven't had a chance to practice, and don't really know what my itinerary holds to a moderate extent.
I have to admit that I'm somewhat torn to leave my mother. She's on the mend and got the good clearance from the doctor, but I left her tonight knowing that underneath her urges for me to go on, that she wasn't feeling all too well. They always say that people "know" when their time is coming and I can't help but wonder or worry, rather if she "knows" something. And what would I do is she does? If I get the dreaded phone call? If I don't make it back in time? I turned and took one last look of her pleasant, but sullen face, capturing a mental picture of it just in case. For some reason, she let out a voiced and weighty sigh...
I'm trying to read my gut on this one and I've got nothin...but I will say that I do feel that not going would simply be out of fear and not a true premonition. That's why I'm still going. It's a leap of faith of sorts that all will be well though I am far away. It's sad that I have to think of these things. But then again, I'm glad I can handle it! That I'm not all faint of mind and spirit. I think that's why I don't have a love in my life. I'm too much of one person in far too many ways. Maybe I should damsel myself in distress more often. Who knows, it just might do the trick! Yeah, I wasn't quite convinced of that one either...
Well, the drier has just stopped and this is supposed to be my cue to pack up and head to Nashville. Should get there by 2am. Four hours sleep. Airport. Take off. Land in SAN FRANCISCO!!
Questions of the day: How often is fear the real reason you're at odds and on the fence?
I have to admit that I'm somewhat torn to leave my mother. She's on the mend and got the good clearance from the doctor, but I left her tonight knowing that underneath her urges for me to go on, that she wasn't feeling all too well. They always say that people "know" when their time is coming and I can't help but wonder or worry, rather if she "knows" something. And what would I do is she does? If I get the dreaded phone call? If I don't make it back in time? I turned and took one last look of her pleasant, but sullen face, capturing a mental picture of it just in case. For some reason, she let out a voiced and weighty sigh...
I'm trying to read my gut on this one and I've got nothin...but I will say that I do feel that not going would simply be out of fear and not a true premonition. That's why I'm still going. It's a leap of faith of sorts that all will be well though I am far away. It's sad that I have to think of these things. But then again, I'm glad I can handle it! That I'm not all faint of mind and spirit. I think that's why I don't have a love in my life. I'm too much of one person in far too many ways. Maybe I should damsel myself in distress more often. Who knows, it just might do the trick! Yeah, I wasn't quite convinced of that one either...
Well, the drier has just stopped and this is supposed to be my cue to pack up and head to Nashville. Should get there by 2am. Four hours sleep. Airport. Take off. Land in SAN FRANCISCO!!
Questions of the day: How often is fear the real reason you're at odds and on the fence?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Blank Intentions...Great Outcome
It seems that my dear JP had the best intentions of writing this day in 2002, but failed to get it on the page. The date on her blog calendar is highlighted as if she wrote, but the post is blank. Hmmm...wonder what happened? At this point in her blogging/cooking journey, she had already evaluated both her progress and sanity in taking on such a project. One would think that daily French cooking and eating would lead to the most blissful of existences, but according to JP, not so. Despite what we've been told, butter isn't good for the soul either.
As much as I could have used JP's blankness as an excuse to take an off day from my blog, I decided to press through and put some words on the page. Now, don't go thinking that this would have always been my choice. I have spent years and years procrastinating and intending to do things that I never carried through to completion. Just had a converstation with my BFF about this. I called myself trying to talk her out of "I'm a bad (fill in the blank)" self criticisms. I failed. I didn't fail for lack of love or sincerity, I think it was more so because I couldn't talk her out of the reality that comes with having a pulse.
After having thought about it for a few minuites, I would have tried again and said something along these lines. For every one thing that we beat ourselves for, there are numerous beside that we should praise. Okay, so you didn't finish that scrapbook. But you did fed, clothed, and comforted your child today. You did it yesterday. And you'll do it again tomorrow and even 10 years from now. You are responsible for the laughs, health, and growth you see in them each day. There are few things in life more significant than that.
I finally got around to asking my mother if there was anything in her life that she wanted to do or change. She gave the answer I expected. Just like the rest of us, she has had a life that happened. She wanted to be an opera singer, but her first baby happened. This first baby died much too soon at 39, but she adopted her great niece, aka ME!!! Even by the time she happened to me at 7 years old, the worst of my life had pretty much happened already. Yeah, that bad. The minute she stepped inside the door to take me way down the road from Columbus to Huntsville, the worst halted in it's tracks. The new birth certificate that soon followed turned out to be symbolic just as much as legal...
I'm not a bona fide (paid) opera singer yet, but a couple weeks ago I sang for about two hours in a Tribute Concert I put on for my mother. Everyone said it was so well organized and seemless...Well, let me tell you. Behind the scenes, I was a mess. People were running around like chickens, heads attached and all, making an event planned in just a little over three weeks appear seamless. Of course, if I could do it all over again, there is soooooo much I would do differently, bigger, better... COME ON, SAMANTHA!!! ARE YOU KIDDING???? Girl, you just pulled of one of the most treasured memories of your mother's life, honored her in a way she had never been before, gathered (literally) hundreds of people, and raised a sweet hunk o' money for the American Cancer Society!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and not to mention, pulled off my first independent concert even surprising myself that I was capable of such a feat! Why has it taken so long to step out of the should have's and give myself this pat on the back?? But you know what? Set this large gesture aside. Actually, take it out of the equation completely.
All my life, I've smiled at people. I've looked them in the eyes and smiled. When I taught preschool, there was a little boy whose finger and toe nails I cleaned by putting a baby wipe over the rounded end of a paper clip just about every day. One year for Christmas I made memory boxes as gifts for friends and family. I love giving big hugs like I mean it!!
Look, we can focus on the 20 or the 80...it's a choice we make with each and every thought we have about self correction. Do you know how many times I thought about blogging before I first did it? How many times I had profound thoughts that I never wrote down even after I did start? But here's the right question. Why did I begin again? No, not because I watched a movie four times in one day and connected. That was only the impetice. I'd seen that movie at least ten other times.
I began again because I found the right reason to do so and that reason FINALLY incited a purpose. Cancer is awful. It's slowly taking my mother away from me. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't have a purpose. Having a day job (a wonderful one, I'll add) when you want to really be spending your entire day singing is mayo mayo crumage. Life happens. What good is it to miss the endless collisions with purpose because you dwell more in your minor defeat rather than mega triumphs? You are the best mom, daughter, singer, friend, etc. most will ever know. Sure, we don't get it right, but only 20% of the time...CELEBRATE THE 80!!
Julie's intentions to post 8 years ago today went blank, but what a great outcome she had. And how about her impact on my post that I'm pretty proud of right about now? YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Question of the day: Will you kindly turn and give the much deserved homage to the 80 of your precious existence? (I think that was more of a command than a question, but we'll just go with the rules of punctuation on this one :-)
As much as I could have used JP's blankness as an excuse to take an off day from my blog, I decided to press through and put some words on the page. Now, don't go thinking that this would have always been my choice. I have spent years and years procrastinating and intending to do things that I never carried through to completion. Just had a converstation with my BFF about this. I called myself trying to talk her out of "I'm a bad (fill in the blank)" self criticisms. I failed. I didn't fail for lack of love or sincerity, I think it was more so because I couldn't talk her out of the reality that comes with having a pulse.
After having thought about it for a few minuites, I would have tried again and said something along these lines. For every one thing that we beat ourselves for, there are numerous beside that we should praise. Okay, so you didn't finish that scrapbook. But you did fed, clothed, and comforted your child today. You did it yesterday. And you'll do it again tomorrow and even 10 years from now. You are responsible for the laughs, health, and growth you see in them each day. There are few things in life more significant than that.
I finally got around to asking my mother if there was anything in her life that she wanted to do or change. She gave the answer I expected. Just like the rest of us, she has had a life that happened. She wanted to be an opera singer, but her first baby happened. This first baby died much too soon at 39, but she adopted her great niece, aka ME!!! Even by the time she happened to me at 7 years old, the worst of my life had pretty much happened already. Yeah, that bad. The minute she stepped inside the door to take me way down the road from Columbus to Huntsville, the worst halted in it's tracks. The new birth certificate that soon followed turned out to be symbolic just as much as legal...
I'm not a bona fide (paid) opera singer yet, but a couple weeks ago I sang for about two hours in a Tribute Concert I put on for my mother. Everyone said it was so well organized and seemless...Well, let me tell you. Behind the scenes, I was a mess. People were running around like chickens, heads attached and all, making an event planned in just a little over three weeks appear seamless. Of course, if I could do it all over again, there is soooooo much I would do differently, bigger, better... COME ON, SAMANTHA!!! ARE YOU KIDDING???? Girl, you just pulled of one of the most treasured memories of your mother's life, honored her in a way she had never been before, gathered (literally) hundreds of people, and raised a sweet hunk o' money for the American Cancer Society!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and not to mention, pulled off my first independent concert even surprising myself that I was capable of such a feat! Why has it taken so long to step out of the should have's and give myself this pat on the back?? But you know what? Set this large gesture aside. Actually, take it out of the equation completely.
All my life, I've smiled at people. I've looked them in the eyes and smiled. When I taught preschool, there was a little boy whose finger and toe nails I cleaned by putting a baby wipe over the rounded end of a paper clip just about every day. One year for Christmas I made memory boxes as gifts for friends and family. I love giving big hugs like I mean it!!
Look, we can focus on the 20 or the 80...it's a choice we make with each and every thought we have about self correction. Do you know how many times I thought about blogging before I first did it? How many times I had profound thoughts that I never wrote down even after I did start? But here's the right question. Why did I begin again? No, not because I watched a movie four times in one day and connected. That was only the impetice. I'd seen that movie at least ten other times.
I began again because I found the right reason to do so and that reason FINALLY incited a purpose. Cancer is awful. It's slowly taking my mother away from me. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't have a purpose. Having a day job (a wonderful one, I'll add) when you want to really be spending your entire day singing is mayo mayo crumage. Life happens. What good is it to miss the endless collisions with purpose because you dwell more in your minor defeat rather than mega triumphs? You are the best mom, daughter, singer, friend, etc. most will ever know. Sure, we don't get it right, but only 20% of the time...CELEBRATE THE 80!!
Julie's intentions to post 8 years ago today went blank, but what a great outcome she had. And how about her impact on my post that I'm pretty proud of right about now? YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Question of the day: Will you kindly turn and give the much deserved homage to the 80 of your precious existence? (I think that was more of a command than a question, but we'll just go with the rules of punctuation on this one :-)
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