Heads vs. Tails

I flipped.  It was heads.  This is supposed to mean that I pack up tonight and go back to Nashville, sleep for like 4 hours and then drive to the airport as opposed to driving to the airport straight from Huntsville.  At the minute, the San Francisco trip is on although I am utterly unprepared.  I'm not packed, haven't had a chance to practice, and don't really know what my itinerary holds to a moderate extent. 

I have to admit that I'm somewhat torn to leave my mother.  She's on the mend and got the good clearance from the doctor, but I left her tonight knowing that underneath her urges for me to go on, that she wasn't feeling all too well.  They always say that people "know" when their time is coming and I can't help but wonder or worry, rather if she "knows" something.  And what would I do is she does?  If I get the dreaded phone call?  If I don't make it back in time?  I turned and took one last look of her pleasant, but sullen face, capturing a mental picture of it just in case.  For some reason, she let out a voiced and weighty sigh...

I'm trying to read my gut on this one and I've got nothin...but I will say that I do feel that not going would simply be out of fear and not a true premonition.  That's why I'm still going.  It's a leap of faith of sorts that all will be well though I am far away.  It's sad that I have to think of these things.  But then again, I'm glad I can handle it!  That I'm not all faint of mind and spirit.  I think that's why I don't have a love in my life.  I'm too much of one person in far too many ways.  Maybe I should damsel myself in distress more often.  Who knows, it just might do the trick!  Yeah, I wasn't quite convinced of that one either...

Well, the drier has just stopped and this is supposed to be my cue to pack up and head to Nashville.  Should get there by 2am.  Four hours sleep.  Airport.  Take off.  Land in SAN FRANCISCO!!

Questions of the day: How often is fear the real reason you're at odds and on the fence?