I was glad that the alarm didn't have to wake me up. I'm in California. Of course it doesn't!! Every time I'm here, that's the first thought that comes to my mind. It's a sort of brush with unbelievable reality. Like waking up next to that special someone. The warmth and all the love you feel and share. And although for me there wasn't warm love of an actual body, but an atmosphere. New air and space. Waking up in California. It never disappoints...
I still felt tenuous about the lesson. Hadn't really practiced, didn't have all the right music, wasn't really looking forward to the "big" confrontation with my teacher over wanting to venture on to a young artist program. At the same time, I was willing to face all of it, knowing that all would be well and I'd have a clearer outlook afterwards. It was going to be okay. The morning was so easy. The Continental breakfast, complete with my favorite fancy flavored tea, spice chai pomegranate I think, was good. My hair fell into place. My favorite dress was barely wrinkled from the suitcase. My makeup was subtle, glowing, and even hid the previous days of worry and lack of sleep.
I arrived to my teacher's house in Fresno with time to spare. The drive had been thoughtful. Cruise controlled nearly the whole way. But as I walked up to the door and rang, an awkwardness began to set in. My mind wasn't clear. I felt tossed and disconnected. Numb. My outward composed self suddenly mismatched the inside.
We started with talking as we always do. She mentioned the y.a. program issue. I listened, then mildly expressed my view of things. She tried to refrain from making a forceful opinion, but her opinion was made no less. I combated with a diplomatic display of knowledge. She slightly conceded. I was glad she knew not to push any further. I changed, or rather progressed, to a different area of focus. My current dependence on a day job and how (although a huge blessing to my life) it's robbing me of precious singing and time. And here's where she completely surprised me. She suggested that I start my own business to take with me anywhere I needed/wanted to be. A non-profit she said. I told her I'd thought about it.
The truth is, I had thought about it. I'd even started (or attempted to) one some years back. I have ideas and much more experience to execute it now. Back then it was just a fun mission. Now, there's much more to gain, better motives behind it all. It could maybe work this time. After the talking came singing. Come scoglio from "Cosi fan tutte," Mozart. Next, Suicidio from "La Gioconda." Last, Ebben? Ne andro lontana from "La Wally," I felt like I sounded really good, like my voice wasn't so uncertain. I could craft it better. My breathing was better. I responded to her correction better. The first audition will test me.
I left the lesson feeling satisfied and the thought that I had 32 more hours to enjoy my California solidified it. Where would I go? Ah yes, Carmel. I accidentally arrived at sunset not fully aware of why so many people were simply standing around with cameras. I mean, the water was gorgeous, the sand a pale clean beige, but I just thought the holiday brought on the hearty audience. I'd never really been to a chilly beach before, but it was yet another new and nice thing. I didn't even grimace as the near icy high tides chased and caught my wanting feet, occasionally gushing up my legs in cool surprises. Toddlers ran after panting doggies, couples snuggled a little closer, families toasted togetherness. I was one of the few alone on the beach. I felt it, but once the last lip of orange dipped down into the horizon I was in the certain company of applause that broke out all around. New, nice. Bravo sun, bravo...
Question of the day: Is where you're living the right atmosphere for your best self?
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